you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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