listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
