Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
