I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize