god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I love you. Go after that dick
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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