I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
