well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
