today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
