..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
