just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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