you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
