dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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