i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
