Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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