Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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