you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
