I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ketchup is God's man juice
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
