all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
