walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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