I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
