so explain again why im purple
no
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
