he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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