Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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