I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
