Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize