bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
