I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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