Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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