When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
