I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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