whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
