Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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