I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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