i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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