I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
