Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
