Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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