you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
