My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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