Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
