did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
