Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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