it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize