i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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