they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
