don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
