Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize