Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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