Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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