how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to calm my uterus...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
