the condom got lost in my hair
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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