drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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