I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
