Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
