Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
