We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
