im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
