How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
