sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
