I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
