why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize