I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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