so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
