My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
