i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
