How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
