Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my shit smells like andre
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize