I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
