Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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