Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
