you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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