All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
