Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
